fuck this.

I am now imposing a strict roll-call on my friends that are amongst the living. I will require a biweekly check-in. This can come in the form of email, text message, or phone call. If you plan on dying in the near future, I only ask that you consider taking me with you, because my heart cannot survive one more day like today.

Erik,

You died on July 14th and I just found out today. Unfortunately, they have ruled out drugs & alcohol as a factor, but that doesn't make your untimely demise of lesser rock star credibility. I just got off the phone with your mom and she told me your wake had a huge draw. We talked about how everyone loved you so much and how your friends were so diverse. She said she had a photo of me up at the funeral but couldn't contact me because your phone burned up in the fire.

She seemed very bothered, as I am, to not know where you were driving or what caused your car to go off the road. I liked how your college newspaper mistakenly put your age at one year younger - I'm sure you laughed your ass off and many of your former lovers thought you had been lying to them - although, who knows? Maybe you told them you were still 25?

I am a little pissed off because you were on my very short list of people that absolutely have to be there when I get married - but that doesn't mean anyone gets promoted into your place. You do know you beat out my grandma, right? I don't know how I will do it without you. Hello? Gay best friend? You weren't supposed to die before this milestone. WTF?

I am trying to make light of this situation, but I think we both know how much I want to die right now. Had I known the last time I would see you would be the last, I would've insisted that bitchy queen you were "dating" go away and I would've taken you to a way cooler bar than Martuni's. What a shithole.

Some guy on your myspace page named "Jimmy T" summed it up far better than I could - so I will close with his words. I fucking love you, Erik. I'm a little pissed you didn't take me with you, but I'm sure I will see you again.

One of the few men my own size that I knew could out drink me. I hope you got to heaven yesterday morning with a bud light in each hand. I'll miss you a lot Erik!