the socratic dialogue of an insomniac crazy person

Dear Elephant in the Room,

Hi! What is it that you so urgently needed to discuss with me at 6:00 this morning? Before we begin, I would like to graciously thank you for extending your office hours, though it is still dark out - the regular 4:00 am wake-up call really wasn't working for me. Okay, you have my full attention now Mr. Elephant, what may I help you with?

Oh, you just wanted to remind me that I don't have a job, my bank account is dwindling, and what? I'm 28-years-old facing certain failure at life. Really? Why so harsh? I really don't think I'm a failure - I just like to joke about it sometimes with that self-deprecating humor that everyone...Oh, you're serious? Oh. Not kidding. Okay, then.

Let's see - when was the last time we had these early morning conversations? I remember, it was the Summer of 2003 and I had just graduated from college. I moved to a rural outer island of Hawaii and couldn't find work. We often woke together to peruse the internet for jobs abroad and work-from-home opportunities. Those were good times - the gripping fear, soul-crushing doubts I would ever amount to anything better than a valium-soaked housewife, and most of all - the insomnia. If it weren't for that part, I believe I could actually ignore you, Mr. Elephant. But, as you know, I am a champion sleeper and this restlessness will not be tolerated.

So, let's stop wasting time here: You think I won't be able to find a woodworking position in the Bay Area? You think I won't amount to anything in this field without Frank's tutelage? You're doubtful I will find a Furniture Design program without further accruing major student loan debt?

All valid concerns, Senior Elephante. I suppose, there is a chance that nothing will work out for me here - but is that really the likely scenario? I mean, I have no doubt that this is what I am meant to do in life, so surely, something must pan out eventually, right? Perhaps I simply haven't tried hard enough - I mean, these things don't always work out overnight (though admittedly for me, they often do).

Is it a back-up plan you want me to formulate? Because you know it's not like me to settle for anything short of perfection. Would you be satisfied if I simply tried harder? You want me to call these woodworking folks rather than emailing? Shall I meditate on this opportunity unfolding before me? Or do you simply get-off on watching me pace the house alone in the dark?

Fine. I will take this early morning opportunity and keep seeking my next woodworking position. But, hey - just in case you are friendly with The Universe - may I also put in a request for a yoga guru to enter my life and guide me along in my practice? Oh, and the woodworker/employer and the guru don't have to be the same person, but that would be awfully convenient, huh? Just saying...

Yours,
Miss Scotch