2 posts tagged “insomnia”
Dear Elephant in the Room,
Hi! What is it that you so urgently needed to discuss with me at 6:00 this morning? Before we begin, I would like to graciously thank you for extending your office hours, though it is still dark out - the regular 4:00 am wake-up call really wasn't working for me. Okay, you have my full attention now Mr. Elephant, what may I help you with?
Oh, you just wanted to remind me that I don't have a job, my bank account is dwindling, and what? I'm 28-years-old facing certain failure at life. Really? Why so harsh? I really don't think I'm a failure - I just like to joke about it sometimes with that self-deprecating humor that everyone...Oh, you're serious? Oh. Not kidding. Okay, then.
Let's see - when was the last time we had these early morning conversations? I remember, it was the Summer of 2003 and I had just graduated from college. I moved to a rural outer island of Hawaii and couldn't find work. We often woke together to peruse the internet for jobs abroad and work-from-home opportunities. Those were good times - the gripping fear, soul-crushing doubts I would ever amount to anything better than a valium-soaked housewife, and most of all - the insomnia. If it weren't for that part, I believe I could actually ignore you, Mr. Elephant. But, as you know, I am a champion sleeper and this restlessness will not be tolerated.
So, let's stop wasting time here: You think I won't be able to find a woodworking position in the Bay Area? You think I won't amount to anything in this field without Frank's tutelage? You're doubtful I will find a Furniture Design program without further accruing major student loan debt?
All valid concerns, Senior Elephante. I suppose, there is a chance that nothing will work out for me here - but is that really the likely scenario? I mean, I have no doubt that this is what I am meant to do in life, so surely, something must pan out eventually, right? Perhaps I simply haven't tried hard enough - I mean, these things don't always work out overnight (though admittedly for me, they often do).
Is it a back-up plan you want me to formulate? Because you know it's not like me to settle for anything short of perfection. Would you be satisfied if I simply tried harder? You want me to call these woodworking folks rather than emailing? Shall I meditate on this opportunity unfolding before me? Or do you simply get-off on watching me pace the house alone in the dark?
Fine. I will take this early morning opportunity and keep seeking my next woodworking position. But, hey - just in case you are friendly with The Universe - may I also put in a request for a yoga guru to enter my life and guide me along in my practice? Oh, and the woodworker/employer and the guru don't have to be the same person, but that would be awfully convenient, huh? Just saying...
Yours,
Miss Scotch
I've been awake since 4:00 am. My mind was racing across all the things I need to do today, making thought storms around past relationships, potential world travels, and nagging fears toward the future... meanwhile, the darkness outside my window would not budge an inch. I kept thinking as soon as the first light shines through, it's a reasonable time to get up. Until then, just stare at the ceiling and wait. Unfortunately, it is a dark, rainy morning in San Francisco, and that first light never came. Pants, who is also on a weird sleep schedule, kept me company and we eventually decided that McDonald's breakfast was in order. Honestly, I was hoping a greasy brick might be just the thing to settle in my stomach and promote lethargy. No such luck.
So here I am. It is now 8:00 am and I have been awake 4-hours already. The jetlag I am experiencing from the trip to Egypt is far worse than any I have suffered before. I either sleep waaay too long - like until 6:30 pm on Tuesday - or not enough. Today I am going to buy some sublingual melatonin and see if that won't help me regulate. For now, I suppose I should be thankful that I don't have to work today (yay! no job!) and that I have some delicious coffee & an itch to write.
Is it just me or does this year feel so much better than last year? 2007 was a pretty rough one, all things considered. A numerologist friend told me that 2007 was a '9' year (2+7), which is a time for closure, settling karmic debts, and for dealing with things that we don't want to deal with. 2008 is a '1' year, which is a time to launch new ventures and is prosperous for new beginnings of all kinds. I am really looking forward to it. Hopefully, this will be the year that I get my woodworking going again and start building some cool furniture. I also anticipate a lot of travel and excitement in the New Year.
It's also time for my 10-year class reunion. I highly doubt I will go, not that I would even know what school to go to. I attended 3 different high schools in 4-years and the school I graduated from I only attended my senior year. I made like, 5 really good friends - but I highly doubt they will even be there. Suddenly I've got a hankering to watch Gross Pointe Blank.
This is completely non-sequitor, but one thing I forgot to mention about Egypt was that there was so much pollution I grew a shocking amount of hair on my face - evolution's way of trying to protect me. It was quite unbelievable that even in one week's time I would grow so much. My girlfriend who lives there also has the same problem. I guess it's good to know that the ol' immune system can really kick-in when I need it to.
Well, thanks for sticking with me this long. I think I'm going to go do some yoga now and officially start my day. Happy Friday y'all. I hope everyone is doing well, or at least operating on more sleep than I am! Oh, also I should mention that today is 1/11/2008 - an especially fortuitous day for a new beginning.
